Arranged marriage : Why do we do it? A nuanced perspective

Arranged marriage, although is one concept, it can have varied reasons behind it given the environment we focus on.

Assumptions for the people and class the piece is written on:

Has had the tools to become independent: good education, not worry about food, infrastructure, not having to feed family.

The reasons aforementioned section ends up in an arranged marriage are as follows:

1. Independence is a risky business:

a. Given how little government does for common citizens, having to separate from family money can seem scary. Sleeping without food and shelter is a reality of the country. Education is a privilege. Thus, following the stones laid by the ancestors, they get into this.

2. Fear of being ostracised from society:

a. Given there is no sense of self in Indian communities, in general, all their esteem is derived from “log kya sochenge"- What will people think. A person is considered “good” if they have little to no boundaries and keep the well being of others over themselves. Thus, if a person chooses to go against the “society rules”, they fear being ostracised/their value diminishing in the eyes of the “society”.

3. Patriarchy:

a. Because men and women have been conditioned with roles all their lives, they both meet with the same mindsets and fill the shoes. Women are thus, generally 'kept' at homes, restricted and controlled, so they never find out what a sham this whole concept is. Even if they are sent away for education, there is a control behavior to find out each movement of the person and them living in the constant fear of being found out.

4. Codependency and other mental health issues:

a. Patriarchy has women having no life apart from family, leading them to be over involved in the kids lives and forming unhealthy attachments, which are hard to resolve growing up and arrange marriages seem like the easier way than to handle the emotions.

5. Caste and Class:

a. Caste is a big reality in the country, so much so that people have self-esteem attached to it. A ‘marwari’ (the business caste) will only ever help a ‘marwari’ in times of financial help over other caste. This ensures, privilege remains in the hands of a few and the ones who don’t belong in it are most times so powerless, they never voice it. Thus, arranged marriages provide a way to keep the caste and class alive. Provided India is so vast with so many cultures, marrying in the same class and caste provide the comfort of the lives they have grown up in.

The cycle is then carried forward, unless someone takes the road less travelled and figures out what they really want from their lives and decide to end the cycle with them or carry it forward, given it is a decision and not imposition.

Do share your thoughts with me and/or add points which you think I may have missed out on :)